Doctor Who Hilarious Stuff
by Dalek-Who
Summary: Hilarious stuff all about Doctor Who. Completely Amazing. Always different, that is what is fun!
1. Chapter 1: Plotholes

Hello. This is me Dalek_Who presenting the first chapter to my first story and I hope you like it. (takes a bow)

Yes I will be puting random crap in the beginning of all my chapters. Will I? Yes. Will you enjoy it? Ohh **YES! **Wanna know why? Because it's fun? Asks a Toclafane. "**That is exactly right!" **(Puts a cookie right next to the toclafane)

Chapter 1: Plot holes

Setting: Takes place at the knighting ceremony of the Doctor and Rose in "Tooth and Claw".

"I knight you Sir Doctor of Gallifrey." nobly remarked Queen Victoria.  
"Wait! What did you say?!?" demanded the Doctor. "How do you know about Gallifrey?!?"  
"Uhhmm..." retorted the Queen, "Clever Doctor, you have forced me to use my emergency  
destruction plan!" she barked.

"Wait, what did I do?" he asked Rose.  
"I don't know!" said Rose; "One second we are being knighted by the bloody Queen of England, and the next she goes bonkers and starts talking about trying to kill us!" cried Rose.  
"Prepare yourself Doctor for my ultimate attack!" **"PLOTHOLE!!!"** screamed the queen.

Suddenly small, black, holes shoot out of her hands and wisped right by the Doctor and his companion.

The whole estate vanished as soon as the black balls hit the ground leaving only the Doctor, Rose, and the homicidal queen.  
"What the hell did you do!" gasped the Doctor.  
"I am trying to KILL YOU!!!" screamed the queen, **"PLOTHOLE!!!"****  
**"Not again!" exclaimed Rose.  
Another set of the queen's black "plot holes" shot out of her hands and hit the ground.  
From that same spot came out another Tardis with the lights turned on inside.  
"What!?!" retorted the Doctor  
While the Doctor was in utter shock a humanoid figure stepped out.  
"Ummm.... I'm gonna leave now" said the figure.  
While the smoke was clearing the Doctor was able to identify the figure.

It was the Master... without a shirt on and a striped party hat on his head.  
"Ok this is getting weird!" said Rose.  
"You think!" cried the Doctor.  
The same moment the half-naked Master looked at his fellow time-lord, ran back into the carbon copy Tardis and flew off.  
"Let's see how you like MORE! said the queen.  
"Please, no." begged the Doctor.  
**"PLOTHOLE"**  
More of the balls started to come out.

Then the hole view changed portraying the view of the inside of some sort of army base with a large open portal in the back.  
**"Bloody Hell!"** screamed the Doctor.  
Now he was pissed.  
"We are now in bloody Stargate SG-1!" yelled the Doctor.  
"I really need to work on my plot holes." said Queen Victoria.  
"Ok, this isn't making any sense." said the Doctor's companion.  
**"PLOTHOLE!!!"** repeated the queen and shot more of the dreaded holes.  
Why must this happen to me!" cried the Doctor dodging the balls.

Next completely random thing to happen would be the view of the Doctor Who theme song and it's music playing.  
"Wait. **Did they cut out my screen?!?**" said the Doctor's voice over the beloved theme song in the back.  
"Why can't anybody see us?" questioned the voice of Rose.  
"I don't know. My plot holes just do anything random under the sun." said the queen not caring anymore.  
"PLEASE make it stop!" cried the Doctor.  
"Not after this! **PLOTHOL**...*cough*" "Sorry my voice is sort of gone due to the screaming" said the queen launching another ball.

Then the screen went blank.  
**"Wait what!!!!!" **questioned the writer.  
"What just happened?" **"MY STORY!" **cried Dalek_Who.  
"Why is the world so cruel?!?" asked the only one in view as he pulled up a word document containing Chapter 2: Dalek Springer.

Yep that was the first chapter to my first story Doctor Who Hilarious Stuff. I would like to send a shout-out to this renowned author who helped me come up with the idea to this story. Otokage! Check out his top rated story Dark Side of the Moon (a Naruto fanfic) and lookout for my next chapter. That is right Dalek Springer (as in like Jerry Springer and Daleks for those who aren't sure what I was intending on). Also if you don't know what Jerry Springer is, might want to look it up. Thanks for reading. Comment your praise and opinion and leave you negative attitude to, that's right, yourself.


	2. Chapter 2: Dalek Springer

Chapter 2 just as I promised. For all my adoring fans…. Yeah, all I see right now is like four. We need to get busy people. We need to share my story with everyone you know. Including your grandma. Why your grandma? I don't know, she might enjoy it. Anyway, here is Chapter 2.

Mash 'em, Boil em', Put 'em in a stew. Mash 'em, Boil em', Put 'em in a stew. Cy-ber-men. Cy-ber-men. Mash 'em, Boil em', Put 'em in a stew. Mash 'em, Boil em', Put 'em in a stew. Cy-ber-men. Cy-ber-men.

Chapter 2: Dalek Springer

"Right now we are going to talk to Dalek Caan who is having problems with you-know-who. Davros." Says the mechanical television show host who works with people's feelings, Dalek Springer.

"**Booo!"** shouts the audience consisting of Daleks, Cybermen, Weeping Angels, Judoon, Slitheen, and Hath.

"But after that we are going to talk to **a man who is his own father!**" reasoned the Dalek host.

"**Yay!" **cheered the audience.

"Now bring out our trouble-tripped guest, **Dalek-Caan**!" said Springer.

Two cybermen wheeled out a somewhat open Dalek armor revealing the hideous guest inside.

"Hello Springer." said the ugly prophet inside.

"Hello Caan," replied the other, "I see you are having problems with someone."

"Yes I am, I am having troubles with our father." said the guest.

"Well then let's bring him out, **come on out Davros**!" said the Dalek mechanically.

Out came a R-C chair holding the father of the guest who is almost as ugly as its son.

"Booo!" shouted the disgusted audience.

"**I hate your f*cking guts!"** shouted a furious member of the audience.

"**That's exactly once your mom said once I was done with her!"** replied the hated second guest angrily.

"Ok, that's enough," said the Dalek host "Now Caan, what is your problem with our friend Davros?"

"Let me tell you Mr. Springer," said the guest courteously "I am going to tell you everything in a list."

"Ohh joy." thought Davros to himself.

"1st off I am angry at how ugly all of us Daleks are," continued the Dalek "I mean yeah there are a lot of other ugly aliens like us like the Judoon and the Slitheen. But we are just UGLY."

Now that got a lot of the people in the audience angry (well, actually only the Judoon and Slitheen) even Davros was pretty angry. So a few started to curse and bad-mouth Caan.

"**Silence!"** shouted the host shooting his death laser at certain members of the audience eradicating at least five "Continue."

"Next I am angry at our shape. Do you know how many people on the internet refer to us as walking trash cans?" said Caan **"I once spent a whole day reading Fanfictions about us Daleks and how ridiculous we look."**

"Well that is just biased and the writers must be intolerant of other aliens' shapes." remarked Springer.

"Not only that but I am angry about what else is on us. 1st off we have a toilet plunger on our **friggin'** arms; the temporal shift turned me into looking like mashed potatoes. The one eyestalk we have is stupid because we have TWO eyes not one and I we get hit there it gives us basically a black-eye." said the first guest.

"Now hold on a minute!" demanded Davros "I made you that way so you would be the **f*cking ULTIMATE life forms** and the certain things on your body were made for your own personal convenience."

"All the other Kaleds I used to talk to say that you were intoxicated at the time of our armor plans." said Caan.

"Is that true?" asked the host.

"Why of course it isn't!" said the Dalek creator.

"My final problem is that…." said the angry guest "Is that **you don't love me**."

"**Awww."** said all the members in the audience.

Davros was shocked! "If you felt like you think I don't love you then why didn't you tell me before?" asked the father.

"Because you don't." replied Caan.

"If you want love, come give me a hug." said Davros.

"Was he serious?" thought Caan.

Caan didn't care. He just wanted the love of his father.

Davros wheeled over his chair to the armor to hug him resulting in… his chair just keeping on bumping into the armor causing it to accidentally fall into the audience.

"**AHH!"** was what part of the audience yelled and **"OHH my!"** was what the other half that wasn't having Caan fall on them yelled.

"Ummmm, that is about all the time left we have for this case. So get ready for the man who is his own father!" said the host trying to change the subject.

**The audience section was chaos!**


	3. Chapter 3: Dalek Wedding

Hello Doctor Who Hilarious Stuff Fans! Here is Chapter 3 just in time for Easter! Also if you look on my profile you will find a poll which allows YOU to choose what the next chapter's main characters are!

So check it out and vote for you want to see in the next chapter.  
What if you were at your Sunday mass and trees walk in at the middle of the mass, push the preacher out of the way and do the rest of the sermon themselves?

Chapter 3: Dalek Wedding:

Setting: Cardiff, England

Time: 1300 hours

Doctor: Ninth Doctor

He had to get there. He had to stop it. It was going to start soon and he couldn't let that happened. He turned the street corner in hot pursuit. He jumped over some carts that were on the sidewalk. He made it! "One banana-pickle ice cream in a pretzel cone, please!" says the Doctor. That wasn't the real reason he was rushing but he felt like he wanted some ice cream. "Ok, then!" says the ice cream vendor who just got done watching some children's British television show. The Doctor the whole time couldn't stop staring at his rather hideous goatee (Please tell me you know who this is!).

After continuing sprinting with his awkward flavored ice cream the Doctor finally made it into the church and busted through the doors. The usher, Mickey Smith, tried to stop him form getting inside but the Doctor's superior body (we're talking about the ninth doctor here, not the skinny tenth) broke through. "I object the Doctor shouted out in front of a whole mass full of large people who were looking at the body of a much larger, uglier green alien. The same moment every one of the people except for the Doctor broke wind multiple times, signaling the Doctor that he was at the wrong church, even though he already go the idea he was in the wrong place. He dashed out of the church and ran through an alley way where some homeless guys were playing cricket.

There it was! There was the church he had to get to. He scoped out the usher with his new James Bond patented binoculars to find that the usher was just a large standing lamp in a suit (I mean it was seriously just a lamp!) He rushed pass the lamp that fell over due to the wind and busted through the door to see the most hideous sight imaginable.

It was a mass full of Daleks with a Dalek preacher and everything and the hated couple. It was a Dalek who seemed somewhat frightened out of its armor and Rose, the Doctor's faithful companion, who had Jack's gun (the gun that Jack Harkness made out of the de-fabricator in the Bad Wolf episode), pointed at the Dalek's head incase the Dalek were to say no about being wed with her. "I obje….." the Doctor uttered to the Daleks who were staring at him, "What the hell Rose I thought you wee in trouble because the Dalek wanted to marry you! But you are the one forcing the Dalek to marry you! Forget this, I am going for some more Ice cream!" shouted the Doctor who was very cross with her. "Oh well who needs him" said Rose kissing the Dalek who wouldn't even try to show any affection because he was too scared of this crazy earthling.

The Doctor went to the same vendor and ordered the same ice cream flavor. "Do you want to go bowling?" he said to the familiar, ugly looking ice cream man. "My shift ends in five minutes." He said not even looking at the Doctor because he was watching his children's show. "Ok then, bowling it is!" the Doctor said.

I hope you enjoyed Chapter 3 of my story and I will be making more and funnier chapters! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know the Face of Boe did! Teleport home safely!


	4. Comment Special Featuring: Ood Steve!

Hey everyone! I am back with: Doctor Who Hilarious Stuff Comment Special! Yes I am still alive and yes I will still be making more chapters!

I got a story in honor of me! Check out my brother's newest (and I think best so far) story A New Dawn! So amazing! Here is the link .net/s/5037614/1

Comment Special

(Ood in a black suit like a butler's walks in)

Ood: A message from Dalek_Who!

Dalek_Who: You don't need to tell him Ood servant (runs through the door and slams it shut stopping thousands of fan girls from getting in)

Hello my fans!  
Welcome to my first ever comment special! With my Ood servant Steve!

Ood Steve: Pleased to make your acquaintance!

Dalek_Who: Why the name Steve you may ask? Because Steve is such an evil name! Muhahaha! (Strokes imaginary Master goatee)

Anyway on to our first comment!

Harlequin Shadow writes: This was VERY weird. But..i think it's kinda funny to. You know, the kinda funny that is really random and kinda stupid. It makes you laugh but at the same time you're going 'What the heck?!?'

That's what this makes me think of...

Dalek_Who: Yea that was sort of what I was trying to do! But thanks!

Ood Steve: Sunfall E says: This is completely random, and I like it.

Well then that is how I like it! Do you agree, Master?

Dalek_Who: Yes that is my favorite type of story. Moving on we have WeepingAngel123. They write: Completely randoma nd CRAZY! Thats why this is so AMAZING! u hav 2 update...

TTYL, AWAY LAUGHING ON A VERY FAST CAMEL!

Dalek_Who: Thank you, but Ood Steve do you know what TTYL means because they seem to be away laughing on a very fast… camel I think it is?

Ood Steve: Haven't a clue, Master.

Dalek_Who: Ooh well then continuing with our fan mail we have Ood lover69 who says: Ditch Dalek_Who and just have stories about Ood Steve. He is soooo much more epic then you! He is so dreamy. I wish I could just… Ood Steve! Did you write this!

Ood Steve: I cannot comply, Master!

Dalek_Who: Ooh whatever.

Ood Steve: Then we have Otokage writing on how great he is… still how great he is… How mush a better author he is then Dalek_Who….

Still writing how great he is… and now writing how he likes Ood Steve, and mentions a little bit at the end how he thought it is sort of funny!

Dalek_Who: Sort of?!?!?!

Ood Steve: That is what he writes!

Anyway while my master takes a "chill pill" I will read momo369. Now my master already personally knows momo but she writes: ew

I wonder if that means excellent work or extremely well done.

I have no clue

Dalek_Who: I am back! This next comment is by SouthernGal2212: haha! i loved that. i cant believe your not going to update the sake of everyone on fan fiction, write some more.

I didn't stop writing and I am not going to.

Ood Steve: And for our last comment it is by… Dalek_Who?

Dalek_Who: I never sent that!

Ood Steve: It says it is from the Dalek_Who of the future who writes: Don't write Doctor Who Hilarious Stuff Chapter 4 because it is said to cause a post-apocalyptic future.

Will that stop you, master?

Dalek_Who: Hell NO!

I hope you enjoyed me and Ood Steve's comment special and advise you to look in Chapter 5, Otokage's new story A New Dawn, and Dalek_Who's new story for the Pokemon fans: Pokemon Spotlight!

Have a good day!


	5. The 10 Invasion

Hello Everyone! Here is Chapter 4 inspired by my older brother: Otokage, and it is also dedicated to him! Here it is Chapter 4!

If a movie theater were ever filled with zombies then these secret agents would kill them there own ways. James Bond: Go total Commando on them! Austin Powers: Take out his little pistol, shoot them with it, and Judo-Chop there necks to break them. And Jacques Clouseau would probably just slip on a banana peel and the zombies would instantly combust! Different strokes for different blokes I guess?

Chapter 4: The $10 Invasion

Setting: The scene where the Family of Blood use their Scarecrow soldiers to attack the school, only problem is that both sides only get $10 to protect or invade the school!

They were coming, coming up the hill fast. They had to get ready to protect themselves. Right away John Smith went to the basement of the school and brought out the decades old gattling gun. With shooting out at least 21 2 cm. by 2 cm. bullets, that shot out at the amazing speed of ½ a mile per hour. They were ready!

The family finally made it up the hill when the Family's son calls out to the army.

"SOLDIERS!" he screamed in that high pitch annoying, girly tone. All of a sudden a cheap sounding battle music start to play as one scarecrow walks up the hill to the son's side. "SOLDIERS," he screams again, even louder and longer making it even more annoying. And again one more scarecrow walks up the hill. "Where are the other soldiers?" he asks the scarecrow. It points over at a big picnic bench with the sign "Break" on it and his beloved and "effective" soldiers eating dunkin' donuts.

Attack!

Suddenly the two scarecrows limped over to the front lines with the cheap battle music in the background. John Smith started to sing in a beat that went like the song "War of 1812" that went like this: "Oh we fired our rounds but the soldiers kept a coming. Fired our rounds but there was a lot less then there was with the budget. We fired our rounds but those scarecrows kept a coming. All the way up to the front of our schoooo, oooooo, ooooo, ooooo, ooo, oool!" he sang irritably. They were advancing but we started to fire out thousands of bullets even though to regular flesh it would only be as strong as a finger poking you. But to a scarecrow soldier it would do mega impact on where the hit.

We kept shooting until one of the soldiers tripped on a rock and fell.

"We have lost too many soldiers, Retreat!" he hollered to the one soldier who just shrugged and followed his master in hot pursuit. "Hooray!" we all screamed as the opposing $10 army retreated into the hills.

That was Chapter 4 in honor of Otokage! Also look out for my new story Pokemon Spotlight!


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